We have to somehow learn to trust in the universe, trust in ourselves and believe that everything turns out for the best.
Trust in the process because we cannot control everything.
Yes, most of us are control freaks, me included, but we just can’t control everything. No one likes surrounding themselves in the company of a control freak.
When you think about a person that has attributes, qualities and values in their personality that you are drawn, attracted and charmed by and you feel this eagerness and a pull, towards hanging around them, what sort of person are they like?
Are they controlling?
Think about a friend that is controlling, everything must be their way. The movie you see, the café you have lunch at, what time you meet and what you talk about. How do they make you feel?
Are they carefree and easy going?
We all have a friend that is so easy going and super carefree, happy to just go with the flow, nothing is ever a drama, they love to try different things and are always open and willing.
Who is more enjoyable to be around, the control freak or the easy carefree friend?
What type of person are you?
Are you the control freak or the easy flow friend?
I for sure spent so much of my life being the control freak. I liked everything to go the way that I liked it. Where we ate, what type of activities we did or movies we saw. It's a hard lesson to learn, but I have learnt that sometimes it’s so much easier and feels much nicer to just breathe and let it go. Instead, now I choose to just go with the flow and enjoy whatever experience comes my way. I challenge myself all the time to let others do the planning and just say, ‘yes’.
‘Yes, happy to go to dinner Friday night, feel free to pick and book whatever you like, let me know what time and where to meet you.’
This then becomes a surprise and no matter what my friends or family pick, I always have a great time, as its the company and the laughs that I'm really going for.
Are you a forgiver? Or do you hold onto arguments, grudges and resentments for the next 10 years?
So many wonderful friendships and families break and become broken because we can't let go of what happened or what was said, instead we continue to hold onto shit from the past.
Deep down inside your turmoil and anger can be creating dis-ease and if we asked ourselves, often we really miss that friend or family member.
Arguments, fights and disappointments are a huge opportunity for growth and a way to heighten and expand our relationships.
Sometimes if I feel that I’m stuck, bogged down and feeling trapped, resulting in resistance to releasing and letting go, I ask myself, ‘Is this really worth stealing my peace over? Is it such a huge problem?’
I try and change my perspective by reminding myself that there are people starving on the streets and people dying all over the world. In the scheme of things, does it really matter that your mum forgot to call you back or whatever the drama I have created in my mind is?
I find this approach really helps ground me when my head starts to begin to feel rage. This might not be the case for you but certainly has helped calm me down in many situations.
A change of perspective is such an awesome approach to stepping outside the situation, stepping back and taking a moment to pause and catch yourself.
The Dalai Lama refers to this change of perspective in his tips for living a joyful and happy life in his remarkable book, ‘The book of Joy’.