In your journal start to brainstorm and do some journaling on why you find it hard to say, ‘No’, what are you afraid of?
I realise this is not just a challenge that I or some of us face, but one that many people go through every day. It’s a heavy burden to carry because with the urge to say, ‘Yes’ also comes a lack of self-confidence, self-value, time and self-respect.
We realise we spend the day living in a mad rush trying to do so much for others, often feeling stressed and anxious about how much we need to get done without ever asking ourselves, if any of this brings us joy and happiness. Remember our biggest lesson so far
Our Happiness is our Number 1 Job
Saying, ‘No’ doesn’t mean you’re a bad person.
Yes, I’ll repeat that. Saying, ‘No’ does not mean you are a bad person.
In actual fact, it means you have self-respect, pride and value your time.
Saying, ‘No’ doesn’t mean that you are being rude, selfish, or unkind. These are all unhelpful beliefs and subconscious thoughts that we have learnt growing up that makes it hard to say, ‘No’ and does us no favours in life.
Do you ever wonder why it was so easy to say, ‘No’ when you were a little kid and why it has become so difficult now? What happened?
As children before we were taught anything, we would just say what we feel and only want to do things that we decided we wanted to do. If a kid has decided that they don't want to go to bed when it's bedtime they sure will let you know that they don't want to go to bed. Subsequently along the path of growing up we are taught and learn that saying, ‘No’ is impolite or inappropriate.
If you said, ‘No’ to your mum, dad, teacher, uncle, grandparents, and so on, you were most certainly considered to be rude, and you would probably have been told off for it, maybe even been grounded or yelled at. This was certainly the case in my house. If I said, ‘no’ to my mum when she asked me to do something, man did I know about it.
My dad's voice could have blown the roof of the house. Saying, ‘No’ was totally off limits, and, ‘Yes’ was the polite and likable thing to say.
So then as we develop and grow up, we think we always have to say ‘Yes’, that we are not allowed to ever say ‘No’. These rules and boundaries are indeed needed when raising young children and teens but now that we are all adults, we are more mature and capable of making our own choices, as well as knowing the difference between right and wrong. Therefore, it's time that we set our own boundaries and we fully, wholeheartedly give ourselves permission to say, ‘No’.
The hardest part is that we need to feel completely at ease and comfortable with doing so. Yes, this means no guilt or shame needed. ‘No’ shouldn’t be an off-limits word, but rather something that we decide upon ourselves, at our own discretion.
In truth, people will often respect you even more as they understand that you value your time and you are NOT a doormat.
Individually we want to become aware of how we are spending our time. Breaking this down into our day, week, month, year, years and life.
Do we spend most of our days feeling joyful or are we feeling stressed, anxious and overwhelmed?
It's time to set your own boundaries, expectations and limits. This is an important job for every one of us.
Do you think people that are in demand and called upon to make big decisions such as the Queen, take phone calls 24/7? I don’t think so.
As important as she is, she would have her own boundaries, limits and expectations. She would not be saying, ‘yes’ to something that she didn't want to do or felt was a waste of her valuable time.
Believe it or not, your personal time is as important as the Queens, as you are also a Queen. You are the Queen of your World. So, it's about time that you started acting like one.